Drinking on the job

I just had a Bailey’s Chocolate candy. Chocolate and Bailey’s. At work. Occasionally I love this place.

Let’s shake hands

Here’s a story my friends told me I should blog about:

Last week I had my lady exam. You know the one I’m talking about. The visit to the doctor that I like to call “my favorite time of year.”

The nurse did her thing and then left me to change into the *always* sleek check-up gown. It only took me about a minute. I then spent another five or seven minutes waiting for my doctor to come in. I was surrounded by paper. My paper gown which I desperately tried to keep closed in the back, the paper table cover which I desperately tried to NOT let my cheeks touch (I know it gets changed after every patient, but still), the papers on the walls telling me that I desperately needed to get help for skin cancer, osteoporosis, birth control, migraines, prostate cancer, and back pain. However many times you do this, it NEVER gets any easier.

So after what seemed like an eternity, my doctor finally walks in. Now, I should take a moment to describe my doctor. She’s a mother of two (their pictures are in her patient room), always wears pants that are way too short, and is VERY matter-of-fact in her approach.

So like I was saying, she walks in. I expected her to say hello, ask how I was, things like that. Instead, after she’s barely said hello, she REACHES OUT HER HAND FOR ME TO SHAKE. This is a woman who has been inside of me twice (now three times), a woman who has inserted cold metal things into me and swabbed my innards. Forgive me if I’m a bit taken aback by the formality of the hand shake that was about to proceed. I wanted to say, “Lady, you’ve seen parts of me I’LL never see. I think we’re a little past shaking hands.”

But instead, I took her hand and gave it a VERY lame shake. It’s hard to muster up a good hand shake when you’re only wearing paper, you know?

Words

I may sound like a HUGE snob, but is it really that difficult to remember the difference between you’re and your? You can’t say something like, “Hope your having a great day!” It Doesn’t Work!! I occasionally make the mistake in an email, but I’m such a bitch about it that I try my hardest to catch it before it makes it out there to the world.

OH! Same with it’s and its!! Can you say “it is”? Then use the apostrophe!

Ugh. Maybe I should stop reading Facebook and Myspace messages written by idiotic COLLEGE STUDENTS who don’t know the difference.

Whew!

Can you tell I’m reading Eats, Shoots & Leaves right now?

Whew!

All of a sudden, I got a yearning to clean tonight. It could be that the floor was DIRTY. The floor always seems dirty, but I’m rather sensitive to dirt on the floor when I’m walking barefoot. And sticky stuff. And food crumbs. We all end up dropping things on the floor, but they don’t always get cleaned up. And there are two girls who live in this house (soon to be three), and we shed hair. So the floor just got disgusting. Dis-gus-ting. It’s now swept and Swiffered.

Then I noticed that the side of the sink we use for draining dishes had a funny smell. After I pulled out the now bone dry dishes, I had to clean the sink. Because it was, of course, dirty.

Then I decided to FINALLY try to get rid of two of the three boxes that have prevented me from getting to my bookcase since we moved in. A full trash bag later (one of those boxes had candles I’ll just never burn again), and I’ve gotten my room down to only ONE box that needs to be emptied. Maybe I’ll be through with that one when it’s time for us to move out.

Talking to my roommates tonight, I almost slipped into my wondrous depression again. One roommate is leaving for a job with Iowa State, and he’s busy getting ready to take his team to a bowl game and get things together to move out. My other roommate has a lot of finals and labs coming up. I’m sitting there not having anything to contribute to the conversation, and the first roommate says to me, “You’re lucky you don’t have anything, right?” For a moment, I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to look at the floor and think about how he was right and how lame I feel. Then I decided, you know what? I do have things I’m doing. Like studying for the GRE (which I then brought up in the conversation). And dammit, the house has to be cleaned by someone.

I do miss the stress of school sometimes though.

Did I just say that??

Thievery

I stole this from Momma Loves, a fellow NaBloPoMo writer. I’ll write more later, but for now, here’s this. (I love surveys, by the way.)

1. 3 Things that scare me: Drowning, Spiders, the Astros when they wait until the last few innings to score

2. 3 People who make me laugh: Demetri Martin, Zach Galifianakis, and The Boyfriend

3. 3 Things I love: A tasty meal, crossword puzzles, beards

4. 3 Things I hate: The Redskins (they don’t even get a link), strong smells, having to work

5. 3 Things I don’t understand: Timid drivers, the universe, any math

6. 3 Things on my desk: Today’s crossword puzzle, my cell phone, a bowl of mixed paint (green and black). Yeah, I work for the state.

7. 3 Things I’m doing right now: Filling out this wonderful meme, smelling paint, thinking about this weekend

8. 3 Things I want to do before I die: Travel A LOT, live in London, learn how to kick ass at riding a bike

9. 3 Things I can do: Mail merge in Word, put Ikea things together, sleep with damp hair

10. 3 Things I can’t do: Tread water, pop my neck, buy things I want

11. 3 Things I think you should listen to: Other languages, your mother (that’s a good answer, Momma Loves mentioned that one), Whiskeytown

12. 3 Things you should never listen to: Bill O’Reilly (he doesn’t get a link either), George W. Bush, today’s country music (Nashville Pop, yuck)

13.3 things I would like to learn: To tread water, library science, how to produce an album

14. 3 Favorite foods: Chinese, Italian, Junk

15. 3 Beverages I drink regularly: Water, Coke, Milk

16. 3 Shows I watched as a kid: Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, Sesame Street, Bugs Bunny

17. 3 People I’m tagging (to do this meme): Rebecca, Marci, Casey

Oh man.

I’m sure most have seen this video before, but you really should take a look at it again. Especially if you like cavemen and you need a laugh.

Happiness

This is what we all need