Geez.

Tonight has found me in a very odd mood. I was supposed to meet some friends at a coffee shop, and when I started off to the place I was feeling fine. On the way I started to feel tired, and when I got there I was early and couldn’t find a suitable place to sit. Since my friends weren’t there yet, I decided to go run some errands until they got there. While I began to do that, all I could think about was going home and going to bed. When my friend called to see if I still wanted to meet up, I just couldn’t make a decision. Part of me wanted to go out, and part of me wanted to go home and be alone. I ended up choosing alone (sorry for all the hem-hawing, Marci).

Sometimes I’m doing fine all day, and then something hits me and all I want to do is sit and do nothing. I had a very busy day at work today, but I’m not sure if that’s the sole reason for my sudden mood swing and exhaustion tonight. I’m thinking that part of it could be the fact that some wedding stuff is going to be taking up some serious time soon, and I’m just starting to get a little worried about being able to pull everything off. Part of it could also be the fact that I’m not really happy with my work situation right now, and I’m worried that it’s going to begin to reflect in how I do my job. Then there’s always that self-esteem issue I’ve been working on since elementary school…

Thinking about all of this stuff at once is making me even more tired, so I guess the smart thing to do would be to go enjoy my bed. Yeah, that sounds wonderful.

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Stolen topic

My friend recently wrote about a recurring dream she’s been having, so I thought I’d talk about something that happened to me this morning.

Lately I’ve been somewhat of an insomniac. Well, the problem is that I just can’t seem to go to bed until after 1. And even then something inside me keeps my eyes open. This has been happening most of the week, and this morning it caught up with me. I just couldn’t will myself to get up, no matter how hard I tried. So I laid in bed, awake, but a bit out of it, if you know what I mean. I looked at the clock at some point, and saw it was already 7:10. I told myself “just a few more minutes” and turned my head to face the wall.

Then something odd happened. I’m pretty sure I dozed off, but the next thing I remember happening is that I turned my head to look at the clock again, and couldn’t tell if it was 7:19 or 7:20. I thought “you’ve gotta get up soon,” but then all of a sudden this paralyzing feeling took over my body. Everything went black, and I felt my body being lifted above of the bed and turned around (like, head over feet). This paralyzing sensation used to be a normal occurrence for me (although the lifted feeling was new), so while I was scared out of my mind, I calmly thought to myself, “just wake up. Just wake up and it’ll be over.”

And right after that, I woke up. I turned my head to look at the clock, and saw that it was 7:20. I was fully awake and freaking out a little bit. I almost felt like someone was in the room with me. Of course no one was there, and I successfully pushed the whole thing out of my mind and got ready for work.

Like I said, I’ve had the paralyzing sensation before, in which I can’t move or speak. All I can do is lie there thinking to myself that “I’m ok, everything will be ok in a minute. Just don’t freak out.” It used to terrify me to the point that I’d turn on the light and sit up for a while, but now it’s almost like an old friend. A scary old friend, but something I’m more used to nonetheless.

I had a theory once that maybe my brain is just left behind after my body has gone to sleep, so that my body isn’t responding to my brain’s directions. Almost like I’m in between sleeping and waking. Make sense? Does anyone know why this happens and if I should be worried?

Le Sigh

I’m a little lethargic today. Maybe I should say that today I’m of the belief that slow and steady wins the race. I’m usually a little more inclined to speed things up, but today I want to take my time with things. What’s the rush, after all?

This mood has made me sigh a lot more though. I wonder how this looks to others. An old boss said that she heard me sigh a lot at work, so she simply knew I was overloaded. She was wrong. Yes, I was busy, but that didn’t mean I wanted work taken away from me. Some people equate sighing with sadness, but I’m not really bummed about anything. I’m in a good place right now, and I’m appreciating that.

Speaking of baseball (I’m good at segues, aren’t I?), the Cleveland Indians are one win away from snuffing out the ridiculous Red Sox. I’m not an American League fan most of the year, but their playoffs have been much more interesting than the National League. And I simply must love a team that can take out the Yankees and is on the verge of doing the same to the Red Sox. I despise those two teams not because of rivalries, but because they are all ESPN can talk about. They’ve got lots of money and fans who have too much pride and not enough humility. Plus, the Indians are a lot of fun to watch. They’re young, talented, and work together as a team. What more can you ask for?

Anyway, baseball’s got a night off tonight. Maybe that’s why I’m sighing. Le Sigh.

Movies!

Today, class, I’ll talk about movies.

First will be We Own The Night. I got a free pass through a friend, and was able to see it last night. I’m not a big detective/cop/mob movie kinda gal, but this one looked good (maybe it was Joaquin that drew me in initially, but I really did think it might be interesting), so I thought what the hell? And a free pass to any movie is worth your time. Do you know how much those stinkin’ movies cost nowadays?

Anyway, the movie was good overall; a bit slow in parts, but I didn’t mind that much. At least it wasn’t just another ‘let’s kill everyone and make sure there’s a lot of blood and don’t worry if the action overshadows the plot’ movies. It wasn’t a hard movie to follow or figure out. It didn’t delve into the characters too much, but they weren’t disposable either, if you know what I mean. There were two scenes that had me genuinely nervous and concerned for the characters, which is more than I can say for Across the Universe (more on that in a sec). If you go see this movie, let’s talk about that scene in the rain.

So, has anyone else seen Across the Universe (besides those I went to the movie with)? I really expected a lot from the movie, and was subsequently quite disappointed with it. The characters were flimsy and stale. The movie tried to tell too many stories at once, so you ended up not caring about any of them. Well, I cared for Max’s story, but he was the one in Vietnam. I never cared much for anyone else.

One good thing about the movie was the music (all covers of Beatles songs). While I didn’t care for everyone’s voice (Jude and Lucy sounded like every other musical theatre major in the world), I enjoyed the fact that I actually heard the lyrics and was able to take more away from the songs than I had in previous listenings.

So ends my movie review. Class dismissed.

Good times

I woke up last night after a short nap with the fiance, and all I remember feeling for about a minute was intense happiness. No other thought, no other emotion entered my brain. All I knew was that I was happy.

I realize I was simply in the place between waking and sleep, but that still doesn’t take away from the immense blissfulness that I felt. Don’t know why I’m writing about it, other than to say that I hope everyone experiences that feeling at least once. It’s a good one.

Wedding

So I have a a little over 7 1/2 months until the wedding. My first thought is, “Wow, time’s going by faster than I thought it would.” My second thought is “Oh my. This is a life changing event.”

I’m ready for this, being able to see him every day, having a ring to wear, being totally committed. I know that this is by far the most I’ve wanted something in my entire life.

But for a moment after I counted up the months remaining, I had this intense nervous feeling in my stomach. A small part of it has to do with the fact that, yes, after May 24, I will be married. MARRIED.

Most of the nervous energy comes from other things, though. Like: I need to start figuring out exactly what I want to do for Save the Dates. I first thought of magnets, but Marci pointed out that postcards are much cheaper to mail, and I’m sure they’ll be much easier to create. So I need to find some at Office Depot or some such place, and then decide what kind of postcard I want to send. Should it have a picture? If so, should it be of us? Maybe a rose since we’ll be having the wedding at The Antique Rose Emporium? I don’t know about the rose; we’re not the kind of couple to do traditionally romantic types of things. We’ve got our own thing.

Right. And then I need to seriously make a decision about the invitations. Because we’re making our own. Because I’m cheap and don’t think a piece of paper is worth tons of money, no matter how pretty it is. Also because I’m not paying for this wedding thing, so getting an expensive pretty piece of paper is pretty much out of the question.

And before these two things are done, we need to finalize the guest list. GULP. It’s not a nightmare by any means; just stressful. And I hoping I’ll be able to invite everyone I want to, but it just doesn’t look like that’s going to be the case. There’s simply not enough room.

Wow. I didn’t think I’d type that much about the wedding planning (that’s why I haven’t talked about it here yet), but I guess I was wrong. You’ll probably see one of these posts every month. Probably more as the date nears. I’ll always title it appropriately so you can avoid it if you’d like. That’s my wedding gift to you.

Baseball!

It’s October!. Even though my team isn’t in the playoffs, I’m still a little excited about the postseason. Did anyone else see the amazing game between the Padres and the Rockies last night? Whew!

This is all the posting I can manage, as I’m swamped at work (I know, I can’t believe it either) and too tired by the time I get home to post anything of any value.