Oh life

I’ll just dive right into this: I think starting college brought out things that had been brewing for some time, and it really became a norm that I would sink into a depression around the same time every month–yeah, that time. The week before the period time. (Sorry, male readers) It got bad enough that I began taking medicine specifically for severe depression during PMS. Then I found a boyfriend, was cast in some plays, and suddenly I felt like I didn’t need the medicine anymore. And some months, I didn’t. But most months just found me denying the fact that I was so depressed.

I think that depression has stuck with me, but some months find me in situations where I’m able to control the thoughts and feelings a bit better. I could be spending more time with the fiance, with friends, having a good run at work, etc. Some months, like this one, find me with an injured eye, tough allergies, no energy, and the will to do nothing and go nowhere. I want nothing to do with my normal routines, and I become suspicious of everyone around me. As in, why would they want to hang out with me? They’re probably trying to think of ways to get out of seeing me. I’m glad that I’m coherent enough through these times to know that that’s a big lie, but it’s still hard to not think those thoughts. And thinking those thoughts is hard to deal with.

I’m not sure if I want to go back to taking a drug to help alleviate these sore spots…or if I should think about going to counseling…or if I should just suck it up and deal with it (my father’s favorite phrase). I don’t know what it is that bothers me, and every other week of the month I’m relatively fine…happy, even.

What’s the point of this post? Not much. Just wanted to talk about this I guess. I feel a little self-indulgent talking about this with the people in my life, because I also become paranoid that I’m a burden to everyone around me. So thanks for letting me talk, internet.


4 Responses

  1. Speaking from experience, I know how you feel, and it’s ok. It sucks that you have to feel it, but it doesn’t make you a burden, and it certainly doesn’t make us love you any less. 🙂

    Speaking again from experience, sucking it up and dealing with it probably won’t help. It will just sit there and fester. You may not need professional help, but finding a person or two you feel like you can confide in may be just the thing you need. You’ve already identified the problem, and you’re not afraid to talk about it, so in some ways, you are already on the road to recovery.

    Hang in there.

  2. We the internet do not mind one bit that you have shared.

    I like you. I enjoy hanging out with you. I often find it hard to believe when other people say the same thing to me, but there it is. I ain’t lyin’.

  3. You’d better suck it up deal with it, or I’ll cancel every one of the plans I’ve made with you over the next couple of weeks. By my count, we’re gonna see each other no less than 4 times, and if I see any hint that you’re not chipper, bright-eyed, and bushy-tailed, I will leave. After all, I signed up for “super-happy-even-if-she-has-to-fake-it Yellow Turtle” so if you’re down, you’d better fake it.

    The sad thing is, I do know people who would actually mean what I just wrote.

    We’re here for you, whatever you need. Especially if what you need is chocolate.

    (ye grog-snarfing, scurvy-infested kraken) 🙂

  4. Thanks gals. I’m happy to count you as friends. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: