Weight

Recently, I tried taking SlimQuick to jump start some weight loss. I didn’t want to talk about it while I was taking it, because I really didn’t want people to tell me how horrible a decision it was or how silly I was for thinking I needed to take it. I was taking it because I was in the midst of a very big self-esteem drought. I was unsure of everything; everything except the fact that I needed to lose weight. I would see pictures of myself and think, “I don’t look like that every day, do I?” I didn’t feel or look skinny enough. Period.

I’ve had this problem off and on throughout my life. I was a chubby kid until I got braces and couldn’t eat. I kept that weight off until I began taking birth control and entered college. Those two bastards hit me hard. The first b.c. I took made me retain so much water that even my shins were bloated. I remember feeling so relieved when a new doctor felt my shins and said, “Oh yeah, there’s a lot of water retention. We’ll get you on a new pill.” I wanted to kiss her.

The new pill helped a bit, but I still can’t lose all the weight that I want to. I exercise, eat relatively well, and can’t lose a thing. I don’t have the best diet (that’s why “relatively” is in the previous sentence), but I certainly don’t eat terribly. Other, skinnier people I know eat much worse than me, but never gain an ounce. I’m not sure how many people reading this know how infuriating that is, but it’s enough to drive a woman to take weight loss pills. (I should mention that I know people smaller than me who do eat well, and I have no ill will towards them.)

So anyway, the weight loss pill especially designed for women made me giddy with excitement. I wanted to get some kind of help with this seemingly endless battle of mine. I just wanted to give my metabolism a kick in the pants. If I started to see a difference, it would encourage me to keep exercising every day, eat better, and feel attractive.

The first few days were ok. I felt a bit sick to my stomach, but it was also that time of month, so I didn’t think much of the nausea. The pill basically worked as a diuretic, which does make one feel quite skinny most of the time. But even during the beginning of the third week, this week, I felt sick most of the day. Nothing would settle my stomach, and I finally made the decision to forget the pills. It stinks to not have that mental help that the pills were giving me (yeah, I’m smart enough to know that those pills are mostly to help women think they’re getting results), but in the end I’d rather not feel like throwing up 24/7.

(It should be stated that the boyfriend has been amazing through all of this, and not once did I feel like I needed to lose weight for him. He loves me the way I am and tells me that, and for that I love him immensely.)

I imagine some will want to lecture me about taking those pills, but I can’t promise I’ll listen completely. I’m more in the mood to hear from people who have had/do have the same feelings as me. Then we’ll get together and lecture each other about how silly we are being when we don’t realize how beautiful we are. Who’s in?

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10 Responses

  1. I’m in. And I won’t yell at you for taking the supplements, as they don’t have ephedra or anything else, as far as I can tell, that has been shown to be detrimental to your health. And you’re right, they probably don’t work, but hey, if it helps you mentally, I say go for it!

    I started a diet and was really great for about three weeks, and I’ve kind of gotten off track. But here’s to one day at a time, for both of us.

  2. Marci – Exactly. One day at a time. We’ll get there eventually.

  3. Can I just say that I am one of THE MOST secretly critical people on earth when it comes to the way other people look, and I think you’re beautiful. Never once have I looked at you and thought, “she really needs to do something about that .” That goes for Marci, too. So there.

    But, I do understand the need to feel beautiful. And I think it’s important that women have the freedom to do what they need to feel that way. So. The next time you want to try something slightly controversial in order to feel pretty, GO FOR IT. I’ll cheer you on. Unless you turn to bulemia or anorexia. But you won’t do that, so never mind.

    I’m done now.

  4. superbecks – Thanks for your comment. I like what you had to say, and I’m glad you said it. πŸ™‚

    And you’re right, bulemia or anorexia will never be a problem for me. I like food too much, and throwing up is just plain gross.

  5. I remember reading somewhere that women with a few extra pounds (not obese, just a few extra pounds) enjoy better sex than those without.

    Eh?

  6. I have not eaten even relatively well for years and now I’m paying the price. Recently cut myself out of a group picture and was thinking how embarrassed my friends must be to be seen with me. Okay, after beating myself up I got a grip and pledged to start eating better. Dieting isn’t going to do it since I what I need is a totally different food lifestyle for a lifetime. Better choices, smaller portions. It sucks. But I’m trying.

  7. Elizabeth – All I can say is “Eh.” for me. πŸ™‚ Love that comment.

    JSS – I was wondering why you were cut out of that picture, and then I thought it may be the same reason I want to cut myself out of pictures. So I understand.

    But you should know that I’m never embarrassed to be seen with you. I don’t see your weight, I just see you.

  8. I just want my clothes to fit like they used to. Trying them on depresses me and I don’t have the money for a new wardrobe. It’s impossible for me to get dressed in the morning. That makes me sad.

  9. Hey, that was me, fringes, in the comment above. Stupid blogonyms. Carry on…

  10. Fringes – I know how you feel. Especially when it comes to jeans. They just don’t work as well as they used to.

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