Another birthday came and went…

My birthday was last week, and while I had a great time (thanks for your time and presents everyone!), I think it put me in a bit of a funk. I mean, I’m now 25 years old and I’m working at an entry-level job, getting paid decently (but not well enough for me to be completely on my own financially), and not really sure what’s around the corner. I’m a little excited about the last part because, if anything, this means I still have a lot of living and discovering to do. But on the other hand, I just want to know what’s going on with my future already.

I’m still kind of in the funk, so I don’t much feel like writing a whole lot yet. In lieu of that, I’ll post something that still makes me laugh.

    COWS

    DEMOCRATIC
    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    You feel guilty for being successful.
    Barbara Streisand sings for you.

    REPUBLICAN
    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    So?

    SOCIALIST
    You have two cows.
    The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
    You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

    COMMUNIST
    You have two cows.
    The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
    You wait in line for hours to get it.
    It is expensive and sour.

    CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

    BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
    You have two cows.
    Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the
    other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

    AMERICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
    You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised
    when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating
    you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
    Your stock goes up.

    FRENCH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You go on strike because you want three cows.
    You go to lunch and drink wine.
    Life is good.

    JAPANESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
    produce twenty times the milk.
    They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
    Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

    GERMAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent
    quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour..
    Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

    ITALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.
    While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
    You break for lunch.
    Life is good.

    RUSSIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You have some vodka.
    You count them and learn you have five cows.
    You have some more vodka.
    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
    The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

    TALIBAN CORPORATION
    You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
    You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.
    You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to
    milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

    IRAQI CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    They go into hiding.
    They send radio tapes of their mooing.

    POLISH CORPORATION
    You have two bulls.
    Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

    BELGIAN CORPORATION
    You have one cow.
    The cow is schizophrenic.
    Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish.
    The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.
    The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk.
    The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
    The cow dies happy.

    FLORIDA CORPORATION
    You have a black cow and a brown cow.
    Everyone votes for the best looking one.
    Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote
    for the black one.
    Some people vote for both.
    Some people vote for neither.
    Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all.
    Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is
    the best-looking cow.

    CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
    You have millions of cows.
    They make real California cheese.
    Only five speak English.
    Most are illegals.
    Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

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3 Responses

  1. That made me laugh (the funny part).

  2. It still makes me laugh too.

  3. I’ve seen this before, but only with the major “ISMS”. The new(er) additions are hilarious!

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