Reflections

I’ve had a rather unorthodox day today, and I think this has led me to become a bit reflective tonight. I stayed home from work because I was simply still too tired from staying up all night on Friday for Relay for Life. I drove three hours back to Austin the next day, then on Sunday still wasn’t able to be as lazy as I needed to. Geez, I’m getting old if I can’t handle staying up 24 hours. Therefore it only made sense to me to not go to work today. Hey, I work for the state. I can do things like this. It’s nice.

Being home all day always puts me in a different mindset than I’m used to; one I’m usually happy to get out of by getting back into the work groove the next day. Tonight, though, I’m rather content with my mood. Some kind of blanket made of relaxation and happiness has overtaken my body and thoughts, and I just feel at ease with every part of my life. This is rare, so I felt the need to record it on my blog…just so I have a record of this feeling the next time the world gets me down big time. Which I know it will do again. Plus, how often do we truly feel at peace with everything, even for a few hours?

At this point in my life, I’ve got a boyfriend who, through some trials and long distance drama, has come to love me more than I ever thought I’d be loved. That sentiment, of course, is returned by me. I never thought I’d feel this way about anyone, and I have a very good feeling that we’ll be in it for the long haul. Which makes me think about the last time I was with someone for a long while. I thought we’d get married someday, and not because I was really wanting to deep down inside. Just because we’d been together so long it seemed like the next logical step. And now, almost three years after ending that relationship, I’m with someone else who is so much more perfect for me than the previous person. What if I wouldn’t have gotten up the guts to face life without my first love? What if I would have gotten married to him not knowing that a much better person was out there?

Then this got me thinking about my friends; the ones I’ve had in the past and the ones I have now. I went through some rough times with previous ‘friends,’ and I’ve been lucky enough to learn from those experiences and surround myself with people who I know want to be my friend because they actually like me, not just because I’m the most convenient person around.

That got me thinking about how when I was little I had a plan for how my life would turn out. If that plan would have happened, I’d be married with children by now. When I think back to that, I have to smile. Used to be that I’d get a little disappointed that things didn’t work out the way I’d wanted them to, but now I realize that this life is completely better than any I imagined as a child. And having that calmness wash over me is, to be a bit trite, one of the greatest feelings in the world.

I should point out that I’m listening to Will Johnson’s (of Centro-matic) Vultures Await. This may have helped spur the writing of this post, and I highly recommend it.

Anyway, I just wanted to be happy with all of you, and hopefully you’re feeling happy too. If not, don’t fret. You’ll be back soon enough. Anyone else reflective? Want to reflect together in comments?

ADDITION: I have a feeling I was feeling very content with my life because of the Virginia Tech shootings. In the face of something like that, I tend to look at what I’ve got and be thankful. My heart goes out to everyone involved.

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3 Responses

  1. I’m happy you’re happy. And happy to know that you are loved by a wonderful man. And many friends. And that you are feeling that love. For you are indeed loveable!

  2. JSS – Thanks! I’m so glad I got to see you this weekend. I’m especially glad we got to kick some sorority butt at Family Feud! 😉

  3. I enjoyed reading this post as well as catching up yesterday with the rest of them I had missed. I had missed a little but not as much as I thought I had.

    What you said about your past relationship and how having it and learning from it was helpful and the part that really stuck with me was about having friends that actually like you and keeping in mind I was thinking about friends and lovers actually liking you. That is important. To be loved fully by someone is important and without it you are just acquaintances.

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